A VERY IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE!

Status: Living with the in-laws. (Week 10)

Watching: Nothing.

Listening to: Recorded Music.

Reading: A bunch of mangas.

TOPIC: RABID FAN BASES

While I still have the strength and energy to type this out (sick once again--due to stress and a lot of other factors in my life), I wanted to touch base on the rabid fan issue.
Yes...

The RABID FAN.

Recently classified by scientists as an offshoot of the Homo Sapien race of mammals--rabid fans are an eclectic group of harbingers whom have this little nifty power to make their cousin species' sick with aggravation and deep-seeded annoyance

Why?

Because rabid fans can.

Their unique power structure stems from their obssessed love for any particular book or fad which has consumed their sad little lives--which ends being very badly for them.

They cannot discern reality from fantasy--having hooked onto the idea that their target in question will somehow respond and give back what was stolen from them in the first place:

Their lives.

How can you spot a rabid fan a mile away--or anyone else showing symptoms of unnormalcy?

A rabid fan's behavior is a dead giveaway. If they are acting completely out of character or seem to be fixated on something beu-faux specific...?

Steer clear of them and their little armies of gnawing teeth and explosive anger.

You don't want to get them angry. Not one iota.

They seem to believe that whatever made them rabid in the first place, might reciproctate and give them their undivided blessings in retrospect.

By saying, "Thank You!"--for hanging on and making the target's life all that less enriching and more self-important.

Rabid fans can be found dwelling in special groups, borrows, or tidy little holes with chains of flowers and other fauna designed to enhance their little abode--while showcasing a lot of their choice items which is the soul reason why they are rabid in the first place.

Rabid fans are easily spotted by their sharp claws, gnawing teeth, beady little eyes, and choice apparel reflecting why they are so rabid in the first place.

It can be a phrase, a word. a singular title, or even a picture of their dwelling fixation and undying love.

To say something bad about the rabid fans' target of affection (or love) is to invite disaster.

In such dreaded scenarios, the offender is usually found with their arms and legs ripped off at the seams, their impersonables torn completely away from their bodies and their clothes left tattered and in shreds.

In some documented cases, rabid fans have been known to take a trophy part of their targeted aggression and have it on display for the whole entire world to see.

Why?

Rabid fans don't like their god or goddess taken down a peg or beaten into a nice and juicy pulp.

So they have been known to congregate into tightly woven circles; throwing up all kinds of deflector-shield technologies in order to preserve or protect The One from his or her untimely critics or flame-bots.

Rabid fans often have been reported to not have much of a social life and one has to wonder if personal hygiene or grooming is ever required.

So far...

Scientists the world over have yet to confirm or document the inner workings of a rabid fan--only suffice to say that without some on-hand experience in dealing with them...?

All that is written here is pure speculation and shouldn't be taken with a grain of salt--for fear that angering these undomesticated rabid fans will somehow trigger and emotionally aggressive response.

So, the next time you run into a rabid fan or their base, please, please, please...!--give them a wide berth and go about your own lives.

If you ever value them.

End documentary.

ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Status: Living with the in-laws. (Week 8)

Watching: Nothing.

Listening to: Absolute silence.

Reading: A bunch of mangas.





TOPIC: STUPID THINGS WRITERS DO

Spend some time on Yahoo! Answers (Specifically the Books and Authors section) and you'll see a rather disturbing pattern currently on display: Wannabe writers asking about whether or not their vampires (or vampiress goddesses) are good enough.

Or if the whole book will past muster.

Or asking for ideas on what to do next with their vampires, or if their idea is good enough in the first place.

Judging by the current atmosphere of Twilight fanatics, one doesn't have to be a super genius to figure out where all of this monotony came from in the first place.

Yes...

We can blame Stephanie Meyers for it.

For inciting a riot amongst teenage girls desparate to emulate her in every way and going to great lengths to copy what has been a Greek tragedy in its own right.

By destroying the vampire lore in the process.

Meyers has made a mockery of the legends and stories behind the supernatural icon which spawed Bram Stokers Dracula in 1897 by giving us two completely unbelievable characters that did little to reinforce the power and majesty of the vampirac lore.

All Edwards wants to do is fit in and what Bella has is an insecurity complex worse than a nerd in a class room full of hot teenage girls.

But the love aspect just destroys what it means to have a respectable vampire novel on your hands.

Meyers failed to reinforce the stories and legends behind her vampire characters themselves as she went with her book--instead...she successfully made it a campy experience that makes most veteran writers want to dip their heads into an acid bath--just to get rid of the stinging embarrassment of having to be around her later on!

Her rabid girl fans will--undoubtedly--defend her and her works until the end of time, but what she's done won't take away the stigma of having created a sappy love affair on par with the 90s TV serial of Beauty and the Beast.

But what irks me, is now I'm seeing cloned books popping up with the same Twilight-like plots which emulate the same sappiness which has plagued much of Meyer's early vampire works.

And the questions that are being asked is in the same generalization as: "Will this sweet and sappy vampire book honor the same dip shit writing that my mentor-in-training (a.k.a: Stephanie Meyers) put out not too long ago?"

In other words, will their cloned books fly in the same manner of the original?

Most likely not.

It's fun to write about vampires and twisting a little of the lore around--to come up with something new.

But completely distorting the whole concept so that it can be turned into one big, teenage love affair (along with poorly constructed dialogue and equally weak characters)...?

Ann Rice wouldn't dare touch it.

What Stephanie Meyers has forgotten and what her fans seem to be amiss on, is that when writing in a particular genre, you have to take particular care in not upsetting the status quo.

The balance which is based stories, legends, and myths of a particular paranormal icon.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WANTING TO SELF-PUBLISH

Status: Living with the in-laws. (Help! SOS!)

Watching: Nothing.

Listening to: The "f"-Word. (Cooking show.)

Reading: The Death Star. Page 327.

TOPIC: SELF-PUBLISHING AND WHAT IT MEANS


Self-publishing is nothing new. According to Writer's Digest, it's been around since the days of John Milton.

Defenders of self-publishing routinely point to such historic works like Aeropagitica as a celebration of the practice.

Businesses that offer such services can be traced back to newspaper ads from the 1930s--where they suggested that 'chapbooks' filled with poems would make excellent gifts or close friends and family members, but also warned against the idea that this route would lead immediately to fame and riches.

Because they are right.

Self-publishing is a gamble which shouldn't be taken lightly.

Even though print-on-demand (POD) and digital technologies have greatly improved the quality and layouts of self-published books since the 1990s--self-publishing still remains a "last resort" for those of us whom have failed to capture the attention and imagination of the mainstream publishing network.

But if you are considering self-publishing, then consider the following statistics:

• Very few self-published writers actually make enough money off their writing these days to sustain themselves.
• The average books sold in the United States comes to about 500 copies.

(So if you really wanted to make it--you'd have to sell ten times that amount or even fifty times that number--if you ever hope to go over the top.)

• The reported number of on-demand and short-run books in 2007 was 134,773; making the total number for that year (projected U.S. output) to be around 411,422.
• Fewer than 20,000 new books published make it into the chain stores.

(Which is why it is so important to shop around for alternative routes to pitch your books. Remember: Chain-stores--like Borders--cherry-pick what they think will sell and what might be a passing curio. If you ever looked at a chainstore's shelves--you'll notice that there isn't much space to be had for new books. And there's a lot of 'piling' to be had--or stacked books; one top of the other.)

• Sales by smaller publishers and self-publishing outlets reached an impressive $14.2 billion dollars in 2005. (The mainstream's bottom line for the same year--total--was about $26 billion dollars.)
• Authorhouse published nearly 1 out of every 20 U.S. titles in 2008.

So what does it mean to be self-published?

It means that you alone take control of every aspect of the development of your book: From content all the way down to marketing and publicity.

It has nothing to do with the vanity-press stigma--which so many critics of self-publishing and their supporters try and lump together as being one and the same.

Because it isn't.

Self-publishing is where you take control, vanity-press is where you pay someone else to do all the work and take most of your book rights away.

But if you do consider this route, you have to realize that no one else is going to step in and save your bacon.

You alone are the pitchman, salesman, and expert on what you've written and self-published.

If you want to make money, then you're going to have to stop making excuses and start getting your rear in gear.

But also be prepared for failure. So many self-published authors I know are obsessed with perfection, they don't consider failing while on the job to be a clear cut option.

I'm choosing self-publishing under my own imprint because I don't want to have to wait for the rest of my life for agents and publishers to decide if I'm good for them.

I already know I am. Now.

I'm choosing self-publishing because the odds of getting traditionally published is virtually impossible.

Why waste my life away beating my head against a brick wall?

We all know that agents reject 99% of all submitted query letters. We all know that 80-85% of all publishers require agent representation before being picked up. (And there is no guarantee that this will happen either. Keep in mind: Publishing mainstream depends on how the economy is doing and how much money consumers are spending. But since the economy is in the toilet and the mainstream is currently in a restructuring mode to survive this deepening recession...? Your chances of getting 'tagged' is not going to even show up on their To Do list.)

Self-publishing is my last resort. I've spent years doing the agent-train and getting absolutely nowhere with their generic response letters, and having been represented by 2 agencies in the past.

I'm quite capable of doing all the hard work myself and I can pitch my books like the best of them.

But I do it in my own way. I don't follow any of the concurrent models in use today; to pitch my works in under 90 seconds flat.

The other thing about self-publishing is that you have to invest your time, money, and effort into what you want to do with your unfinished book.

Why did I highlight the money word?

Because nothing is for free anymore. You want to take the cheap route--with half-assed cover art, cheesy editing, and poor writing (because you didn't want to spend the money necessary; when it could've made the difference?)--?

Be my guest.

If you want to take the self-publishing route with any hopes of being picked up sometime before you hit the Big 7-0--then you had better start writing like you mean it!

You had better start thinking like a bonifide professional and start spending the time, money, and effort to make sure that your books are in the best shape possible!

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE TRADITTIONALLY-PUBLISHED--NOW--SO WHY WORRY ABOUT WHAT MONEY IS COMING IN OR GOING OUT?!?

Think about what your career--as a successful writer--is going to be about...and start making every attempt to reach those set goals!

Money is just a tool for us to use--not to hoard or covet like it's the best Danish Blue cheese around. (Which is pretty good I might add. Expensive wedges of heaven--but well worth the pocket change.)

• If you want to be published--later--by a traditional publisher, then start early.

Get yourself a professional editor and have him or her do the work. Because paying them what they are worth, will make all the difference in the world--and your odds of getting picked up later a bit better than they would be if you queried an agent with a book that looks like a copy-cat edition of Atlanta Nights.

Having your friends or family members doing it is just asking for the Grim Reaper to come and take a swipe at you before you're actually ready to kick the bucket.

They aren't professionals and wouldn't know jack about editing, grammar, or even proof-reading. (Especially true--since 36 million Americans (or 1 in 7) can't read past the 5th grade reading level.)

• Cover art is the #1 make-or-break, deal-shaker that can (and will) affect your overall book sales.

Picking a cheesy template cover from the 1990s or using off-the-shelf, first-generation (3D) computer software--to grace your book with--isn't going to impress your target audience any.

Get a professional cover artist to do the work. On average, some of the going rates are between $500 and $1000 a pop. (Or more.)

You can gripe all you want, haggle over price, but if you are really serious, investing any amount of money into your books will have nice payoffs for the future.

The question remains: Are you willing to go the distance? Well? Are you?

• Distribution is key to your success as a self-published author.

If you can find a good distributor, then your odds of reaching a much larger audience is better than those self-published authors whom are struggling to gain a bigger foothold in the money game.

Lastly, the one thing that self-published authors do the most (and make a habitual mistake doing) is querying agents soon after they get self-published.

Why is this such a bad idea?

Well...duh!

Agents thrive on money. But in their Rules of Acquisition operates on the principle of more. So much more dinero, that it often boggles the mind.

If you're self-published and you are thinking about going the traditional route, then you have to show these same agents that you are worth every penny pitched.

And by doing that, you're going to have to have some pretty impressive sales figures to get any agent's attention.

Say, 5K self-published books sold to start?

Which means...

You're going to have to buckle down and start making yourself known.

Much like myself. I've spent the last 7 years pitching my books, WIPs, and whatnot to my prospective audience. I've done it in such a way that I am literally attracting new readers to my blogs every day.

And it's not in the tens of thousands which some boastful writers claim, but in the the upper hundreds to the low 1000s each month.

I'm happy with that. I can live with the knowledge that my work and life experiences are reaching these people and then watching as those numbers increase over time.

Because--in order to be successful--you have to offer something that people will read time and again.

That's how you gain recognition and exposure these days.

That's how you become successful.