POOPED BEYOND BELIEF

Status: In the middle of a housing crisis and not able to write on anything.

Doing: Taking a break from all this running around.

Watching: The $155 HD TV that I just bought is going to the trash heap. So don't bother even asking. I'm still pissed off about that! :0(

Listening to: Taped music.

Reading: Kushiel's Scion. Page 504.

TOPIC: ROB A BANK OR PULL $20s FROM MY ASS--WHICH IS MORE REALISTIC FOR YOU?

The past couple of days have been hell. Pardon my lack of courtesies or manners here for the last week--but this may be the last bunch of entries anyone here will probably read from me for a good long while.

I don't wish to brood over my own fate or that of my wife's, our beloved pets, our lifetime worth of pack-ratted shit or anything like that--but it's something I've always done since I can remember.

My life isn't grand or glorious. I don't have a nest egg to speak of, hell...I don't even have any savings worth bragging about.

Everything I have given to me or received has been spent on either survival or some immediate emergency that needed to be taken care of.

But I'm finding that despite everything I've tried to do, I am simply outclassed by a lack of serious money.

I don't have near enough to start over in case things go sour--like they have just recently.

In order for me to get back into a new apartment--these days--I would need anywhere between $4000 and $6000. (First/last month's rent, security deposit, pet deposits, credit check, and holding money for the apartment itself.)

And this isn't something I just made up to scare people. Or impress you.

The facts are: Apartments aren't getting any cheaper. Any pets you have with you will cost you twice as much in deposits down the line--and dumping them out on the streets--just because life inconveniences you--isn't the answer either.

I don't care what people say about animals. Dogs and cats are people too!

Do we do the same with our kids when life throws us a bitter lemon?

I found out today that in order for me to seriously put in some applications, I would have spend more than $200 in credit checks; more than I actually have on hand.

Yes, you may find this to be bitching, but what am I supposed to do? I only have $311 in pocket after I pay out for my portion of the rent.

And I can only do this once per month. Which doesn't give me a whole hell of a lot of time to go fucking around for the next 8 weeks and pretend that everything will be okay.

I don't live in La La Land like President Bush and John McCain do; with their wild assertions that drilling for that meager 3% will automatically wean us off our addiction to foreign oil. (Because it won't.)

MY REALITY will always be based in one intractable facet of life: POVERTY.

I won't know the lap of luxury. I won't see my bank account explode into the realm of avarice. I'm not even sure how well my books will do--if I can get out of this indelible mouse trap which life has put me in.

All I'm asking for is 4 years of good luck, no interruptions, no surprises, and nothing else.

But I've also got the security deposit to worry about. And that's going to wrack me up $600, and the regular one is $300+. The $3000 pet deposit is going to kill me either way. Even if I was allowed to make payments, I'm not sure how they would break it down. I only have so much to play with.

And I still need to pay my editing fees--which is a necessity--not a choice. Because unlike some plebe writers whom want to have their work done for free, I know that the majority editors whom work for a living would strongly disagree with that premise.

They need money in order to survive. I need their services in order to sell a pretty awesome novel.

But I'm pretty pooped and exhausted today. Walking around did me in, but also this worry and anxiety did as well.

I wish I could say that there was some way I could solve this problem easily, but the fact is, there is no way that I can think of.

Sky